I have in the past hinted at the fact that Matt and I have not had an easy time having children of our own. The fact of the matter is in the entire time that we have been married we have never used protection of any kind, we weren't trying to not get pregnant. We also haven't gone to any great lengths to get pregnant either other than just having regular sex. I know that there are things about my system that don't work right and there is a history of infertility in my family. Why we haven't done more to get pregnant is complicated, very complicated.... and has changed from year to year. At first it was that we couldn't afford anything more than a doctors visit, at points it was that we were having the normal ups and downs of any relationship and didn't want to add going through the emotional struggles we knew we would face to our already long list of problems that we were having. And I guess at the heart of it all was my fear of failing. What if I put all this effort into it and it just didn't work? Could I bear that? Could our marriage bear that?
Through this all I have tried to keep a positive attitude and not let myself get into pity mode when I hear that others are pregnant. I can usually do this pretty well, however there are exceptions..... I have the hardest time hearing about parents that continue to have kids that weren't planned, they didn't want, that are messing up their social lives etc.....I just want to scream at them "don't you know what you have!!!! Don't you know that there are people, more people than just me that would give anything to have a child as wonderful as yours in their life???"
This week I seem to be having a harder time keeping my thoughts positive. It seems as if everywhere I turn there is someone I know announcing they are pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I would never wish my issues on someone else or wish that any of those people had to feel the way I feel. That is like me saying that I would rather have my own child than to have one of my nieces or nephews in my life, my life would not be as amazing as it is without all of the wonderful people I have in it.
What do you do to get rid of the negative and keep the positive?
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