New year, new me??? Maybe....

I swear I am trying to be way more positive about things this year, even if it doesn't sound like it :)

So a few months ago I started working with a trainer that one of my friends suggested to me. We go for an hour a day, 5 days a week. One day we will work legs, the next arms, the next core and glutes and then start over with legs and arms. The first week that I went I was not able to walk afterwards :) Now I am on my 4th month and I am starting to get to the point that I can do most of what she asks us to do most of the time. I have lost 25 pounds so far! I am really happy with that, I have lost that much once before but it took me about 5 months to do it (not the 3 it took me this time) and I was taking a weight loss supplement as well. I am really proud of myself for sticking it out, going every day (well almost, December was hard for me) and for learning all kinds of new things.

There is one thing that still continues to be a struggle for me.... food. I crave it.... and not the good stuff. There are days that I sit and think that I would give my left arm to be able to go out to lunch somewhere. I have not followed the diet like I should have. I did pretty well for the first month or so. Second month, not so great. Third month (December)... diet??? What diet???? Yep I fell off the wagon big time.

So now I am sitting here thinking about what causes me to act the way I do with food? I have always been a pretty picky eater. I don't care for fruits or veggies. I LOVE breads or anything soft from the bakery. I drink soda like its going out of style. My biggest issue though is going out to eat. I would spend my last dime on fast food.

I see it as a treat. When we were growing up we didn't go out to eat very often. I am the oldest of 7 and eating out was not something that fit into my parents budget that often. So when we did get to go out it was a pretty big deal. Once I grew up and got my own job I was one of the few kids I knew that could care less about buying clothes, shoes, a car etc. I was happy as long as I had the money to go out to dinner or grab something on my way home. It was how I felt successful.

This also continued when I met Matt. I was working, he wasn't and so when we had a few extra dollars the first thing we did was treat ourselves to dinner out. Now that we are financially stable it amazes me how much we spend on going out. For Matt I think it is an easy way for him to see on a daily basis that he doing well to be able to go out and spend $40+ on dinner.

I just can't understand why we wouldn't want to put that money towards something that is non-consumable, something that is going to bring us joy, happiness, contentment, stability etc. down the road. Why aren't we putting that towards fixing fertility issues, making our home what we want it to be, building our savings account? For some reason we equate eating meals at home with being poor. Now how do we fix that??